Here’s the next post in our mom series this week and one I have personally had to deal with.
Most children believe that their parents are too controlling. However there is a fine line crossing into unhealthy behavior. This article will talk about how to deal with a controlling mom and find ways to effectively make choices without letting the behavior control you.
You may be used to your mom trying to run your life or even scrutinize each decision that you try to make. Also consider that single parents (not all of them) sometimes feel like they have less control so they may be a bit overbearing to compensate for this. You can actually learn how to deal with her appealing traits if you learn how to manage the less desirable ones.
There could be many reasons for your mom being controlling, which could stem from childhood insecurities, she had a controlling parent, etc. Know that you will never be able to actually change her. The key word here is learning how to “deal”.
Here are some tips on how to deal with a controlling mom effectively:
- – Set your boundaries immediately. Find out the aspects of your life that you do not want to share with your mom and then remind her if that boundary is invaded.
- – Try writing your mom a letter giving specific details on how you wish your relationship to develop.
- – Learn how to change the subject with love. You can start a sentence like this: “I love you mom, but I wish not to discuss that with you.” And then politely change the subject when she persists.
- – After listening to your mom, thank her for the suggestions she gives for you and then move on to more inspiring dialogue.
- – Search for approval from yourself instead of trying to find it from your mom. Your self-confidence will help you not let her controlling tendencies get under your skin.
- – Screen your phone calls so you can be prepared for any type of conversation that may be overbearing. You can also wait for a message to measure the significance of it.
- – Promptly call her back when you are ready; at least within the next day. Moms who are controlling heat up if there are signs of neglect. This will help you to avoid any nagging they may come your way.
- – Learn to appreciate your mom for caring about all things those little things in your life, no matter how small.
- – Never feel guilty for living your life. This is sometimes a ploy from a bossy mom to make you feel guilty for hurting her feelings. No matter what, do not give in to it.
- – Recognize the issue this person has and do not take it personally. The problem is rooted deeply within the subconscious and comes from her personality and background.
- – Again…do not take it personally. You are not the one controlling this behavior in your mom.
- – If you want more of a peace of mind, do some research on the subject and speak with a therapist about the behavior.
- – When speaking to your mom, talk calmly about any concerns you may have. People tend to respond better to a calm demeanor than with bitterness or harshness.
Many people nowadays only feel safe when they sense some type of control in their life around all the fear portrayed on television and in the news regarding rape, abductions and the like.
Your mom only needs reassurance that everything will be okay. Many parents who work long hours often feel guilty for doing so. They feel more of a need to control your life than if they were mainly relaxed.
When you learn how to deal with a controlling mom, it is valuable to disengage from any environment that is not conducive to a peaceful state of mind. If you are adult age, leave the situation whenever you can. It is easier to love from afar in this situation, even if that means living down the street.
For another article on dealing with your mother, check out How to Build a Relationship with your Mom.